MY CRUSH DIED!!!

 I tossed and turned on my bed in a semi-conscious kinda state. Yea, I could hear the dogs barking from somewhere that seemed farther than my window. I jumped up when my brain registered it was Thursday, the one day that I had to get to work early. My eyes flew to my phone and you guessed right, I was freaking late! I thought of all the important things I had to do before my program airs by 12pm and am like shit! It was one of those days with a bad start.

Let me back-track a little, I work temporarily in a broadcasting corporation. Temporary means am not a regular staff so I can chose to be there anytime I wish. Don’t we all love that kinda job? On Thursdays however, I host a program at noon so come rain, sunshine or even hell (I use that loosely), I must be available. When I started there some months ago, the place seemed so wacky, archaic people, young wannabes, I mean there should be a code of conduct for razz people -don’t try as hard as Funke Akindele, sorry, I mean jenifa- to be ushered into civilized society. So I was there wondering how I will cope for the next few months when this guy walks into the admin dept. Hey ladies, remember our TDH anthem and how we never seem to meet that guy? This guy is the real deal but there is even a bonus. When he smiled, the butterflies were not in my stomach, it was a buzz in my ears that filled my senses with what? I really don’t know but it was a darn good feeling. I mean this guy freaking had dimples! It’s a big turn on for me. Next day am at work and I discover he is also in television department but the news section, it doesn’t matter though, at least he is near enough to see every day. Besides, he was totally checking me out the previous day so I figured it won’t be long before we hit it off. So I thought!

Back to the present, am late for my show, my guest is late, my producer is absent, I can’t find my prepared questions. I still manage to produce a reasonable episode (am a natural so what do you expect) though. On my way out of the studio I meet TDH and we say hello to each other. To my frustration we never get past the obligatory greeting and it’s been 2 months since that scene at admin. You know when you like someone so much and they are oblivious to your existence? Well, I now abhorred a kinda dislike for TDH. So am walking out and someone is calling my name and tada! It’s TDH! He declares his dislike for me and I assure him it’s a mutual feeling. He wants me to meet his friend who wants to chat and have my no. Of course I forgot the “I don’t give my no to strangers creed”. TDH was gisting with me! We decide to try being friends and the first jawbreaker is that he is totally out of sync with his utterances, a terrible conversationalist. He is one of those guys who like holding a girl’s hands which was awesome for about 3mins. Turns out he has a serious case of hyperhidrosis. He was also able to let me know that he graduated from a university where the fees are exorbitant, was driving his third car and the polytechnic students on IT in the corporation all wanted to date him. The information was released in the approximately 10mins we spent chatting in a bid to deny the accusation that he is proud.

I don’t have to tell you how disappointed I am tonight. I wasted 2 months of my time thinking about a guy we can’t even be friends. Or why will I want to endure his sweaty palms and conversational shortcoming only to lend my ears to his material achievements or bamboozling. This is the story of how I lost my crush to reality! Tonight am sleeping with a broken heart. Ouch!